Tow me a River: I'm sorry Ceasar Rodriguez

A satirical response to poor Ceasar Rodriguez

We all hate the typical parking situation in Provo. You go to visit a friend but you always have park somewhere to avoid the leech, vermin known as the towing companies. I have had run ins with these vultures of society. My latest encounter happened last night. This was an odd case. I found myself in a situation I hate to be in. I had to release the merciless feeder on one of my fellow sufferers.

Yes, I called the towing company to remove a car from my designated slot. This blog is a response to that poor fellow Ceasar Rodriguez. Ceasar, I am sorry I had to act as an arbiter of justice in this case. I hate the towing companies. Sadly, this is why I had to take action. I had done nothing wrong, but you parking in my spot would cause me to violate parking rules. This would result in the towing of my vehicle. Since you were violating the rules, you had to face the consequences.

Now Ceasar before you become angry, I will itemize the actions I have taken to save you from this unfortunate, heavy handed consequence. First off, this is not the first time you have taken my spot. Remember when you parked there a few weeks ago. I tried to see if you were visiting my building but it didn't seem to be the case. Well a kind sole let me use their spot. This alleviated my anxiety of being towed, so I slept on it.

Last night you chose my spot again. I made every effort to find you as my anxiety increased. I constantly looked out the window for you or a tow truck to sweep away my vehicle and 175 bucks. I canvassed my side of the building but to no avail. Using my privileged connections, I ran your plate to locate you. I had no phone number. I looked you up on Stalker Net (Route Y) and Facebooked you, still no leads. I waited till nearly 10 P.M. You still did not show up. I had little choice Ceasar, it was you or me. A second offense! You needed to feel the consequences of your actions. It usually takes one time before you learn how careful you must be with parking.

Ceasar, where ever you are, I hope you are not devastated and cannot buy your Christmas gifts. I hope this did not financially limit your trip home for Christmas. I feel much like the creditor who has to collect on the debt. You may ask where is mercy, I hope you see the large amount of effort and mercy I have exercised before the great sword of justice attacked your wallet.

Merry Christmas Ceasar! Guest spots allow you to park for four hours. Sorry you had to suffer the cruel consequences from a merciless and insatiable feeder.

Your fellow sufferer,

Bryce Bird

IF YOU GOT THIS FAR, SHARE YOUR TOWING EXPERIENCE IN A COMMENT!